July 24, 2004

• With the skin on the blade
  And the blood on the knife
  I carve myself the victim
  Of a terrible fight
  Your words sting across my pride
  Im not strong enough
  To kill myself tonight

  I wash away my self inflicted harm
  Wish the streaks of red
  Wouldnt run across my arm
  Dreading the coming scars
  I dont want a reminder
  Of potential misery
  Your pitiful attempt to hurt
  Just to let you know
  It worked

  Just before you break
  Comes a sense of relief
  More then I can take
  A feeling of complete
  Knowing tomorrow could kill me
  So whats the point anyway

  I want to finish
  What I never started
  What I never asked for
  What for a moment
  I saw as my life...

  You know what sucks...I dont mean to write depressing, I wish everyday I were more positive, but it just doesnt work that way for me. A part of me actually wonders, with jealousy, what it would be like if I were simple minded. I hate so much about my life, when I have so much to be graitful for. People in general bug the shit out of me, my friends can make me want to jump off a bridge, I just want to start over a lot of the time, want to know what it would have been like without the influences i have. What do people really think when they see me, or talk to me?!? Am I the weird kid who wears socks with sandels, or the pothead, or Brenna's little sister...I want so bad to be understood, to be just me, I know it will never happen though. Not many people know me for me, even my best friends honestly dont...You could talk to me everyday for years, and in no way, shape, or form have any idea what im really like. I dont think i even know who i am?!? Im not meaning to hurt anyone by writing this, im just trying to break away from myself, dont take anything personally or literally, even if I am being truthful...my viewpoints change everyday, this just happens to be the one I have at this particular moment. I try to hard to be different, to be original, now i realize that it's the new fad to be unique so im ganna fuck it and just be me...i think? Is it even worth this...all my thoughts, it would just be easier if there were non.

  • 11:27 pm
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