I hate this...I seriously do...but now we found out how you work...your play is through!

You question my sanity,
make me wonder if I should leave.
What's wrong with fucking around?
one way not to get let down.
but it's all a lie,
I've lost my mind,
I need more than your agressive side.
I want you to know,
there's more in all this,
more than just darkness.
Your heart stampers on,
I can feel it in my hands.
Why is this romance?
Why dont you understand?
I dont know what to do anymore.
Keeping up this business,
I feel like a whore.
kissing with blindness,
to soemthing I cant ignore.
We know there's chemistry,
But more than physical activity?
Doubt the want for beauty,
it's nothing more than booty.
The feel of your lips,
the way that we fit.
It's killing me,
to wonder,
is it worth all this?
my heart could turn away
what my sight loves to adore.
We could be something more,
maybe that's what I'm looking for.
I'm yearning for a love,
that beautiful and mature
Someone I can wake to in the future.
I hate seeing you with other girls,
and how on the ends your hair tends to curl.
I hate that you think I like you so much,
I hate how you think im satisfyed with touch.
So this is the end of friendship and lies
you become less than crush, your someone I despise

First Day of work...love to tell you all how many things I dropped/spilled (3) but I'm mad tired...so shit load of H/W and then off to bed!!!

</3 hmm

And of all the things I knew
I thought I knew you
Then you went and changed
Into something so untrue
So un-you

I’m so sick of waiting for you
To realize my feelings
You’re oblivious to anyone
Under gorgeous
Can’t you see underneath that shit?

All that makeup
The skimpy article of cloth
Just give me your heart and a fucking gun
So I can shoot it out
And watch you die
Just like you’ve done to me
You’re just a typical guy

Please excuse
What I thought of you before
Your nothing but a man whore
You typical guy
You’re just a typical guy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have those long talks
Where I can tell you anything
So why is it so hard for me
to tell you I love you

You walk around like you’re the shit
But when you’re with me your different
Cause every time you look at me
I can feel my heart begin to speed

You made me cry you made me hurt
You know you can be such a jerk.
But then were alone and all,
All I know is that moment.

Why do you love to do this?
Mess with my head
Act like you care
And your not there
Your not there for me
Like I’m there for you

Because I look at you
Because I look at you
At you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You told me not to
Not to do this to you
But I can’t help human nature
And I can’t help the truth

You don’t realize
Realize your effect
You make me crazy
Crazy in love with you

I’ve heard it will never work
To many times before
And I can tell you now
It will work with me

I’m telling you
We can make it
Just give me
Give me tonight

Do you believe in love,
At first site
Do you believe we can
Make it tonight


Just give me tonight
Tonight
Will make it tonight
Tonight
All we need is the night
Tonight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was ganna write you a song
But then I figured it’d be to long.
Cause there are so many things
I need to say to you.

It wouldn’t matter anyway
Cause you’d just turn and look away
I don’t think I will ever be
That good enough for you.

And you say I’m your best friend
Well those words they have to end.
I don’t think I can keep pretending
How I feel.

It wouldn’t matter anyway
Cause you’d just turn and look away
I don’t think I will ever be
That good enough for you.


September 14th 2003 hahahaha I am seriously the biggest geek...this is me proving it to you all

Awesome weekend so far...Friday smoked a lot...haha chilled with verely, brooks, and allard. Haha bobs is the funniest high kid I know...i love it, then burke came over and picked me up. We had a little fender bender but no damage so it was all good. Boarded today sweeeeeeeeet...it's burkes friends Bday so I think were goin out to eat and then to my house to smoke a lil...haha love u all ~peace~

I hate loving dreaming
It's all too confusing
And just when you think you have it
There's a twist
And the picture fades
And that someone disappears
So in that sense it's reality
With a simpler awareness of law and gravity

I was 13 when I wrote that...who spends their time writing at 13?!? well besides me...I seriously love reading things I've forgotten were there I have a drawer full of all my writing...actually most of it sucks so bad, sometimes I'm ashamed I wrote it, but then I'll come upon this quote I thought up in 7th grade, and my want and need to be a writer surfaces again, more than yesterday.

I never found that much meaning in school. Never thought it was worth what I’m going to need. I never actually thought school to be anything more than just hell. I never accepted that maybe it actually was my future. I never had to try to excel it just happened. I never had to try really at anything. I never wanted to be a genius. I never wanted to be deep. I never wanted all the things I don’t ever want. I never wanted the friendships I have, they just happened. I never asked for all the bumps along the way. I never wondered why I wasn’t tall, or simple minded. I always wondered what would be if this didn’t happen. I always thought there was more to life than living and dying, something unmistakably meaningful. I never thought if I tried harder that I would understand. I don’t question my capability to read, write, and think. I am grateful for what I should. I’m not what I’m not, except it. I wish I didn’t have as many regrets, but that is my own fault. I never thought Id be here, this min. when I was 7. I never wanted to smoke at 7 either. I always believed in God until I was old enough not to believe in stories. I don’t know what I believe anymore. I don’t know what I’m talking about, half the time I never do. I mean at 15 who knows what they want. Four facts: I want to be a writer, I have a really weird hair color and its not fake, and I never actually wanted to play Field Hockey. I never said those facts weren’t going to be random. Its kind of like this, I didn’t think “Maybe I should write about nothing today.” It just happened. It always turns out like that.  Do you ever think….”what if?”… I know I do. Do you ever wonder about the universe, how this all came to be? Do you ever think of what would happen if you got everything you wanted? If no one were sick, poor, hungry what would the world be like? Can just one person make an impact? Can just one word make all the difference? What if there were no wars, or violence? I could wonder myself crazy for the rest of my life…maybe that’s just what Ill do, I have nothing better to think of, Ill worry myself crazy write books, become totally broke, die at a young age (then my books will become popular) I will lie in my grave waiting for nothing at all. No one knows what to come, I wish I did, or maybe I like it like this. If everyone knew what was coming, would we all still want it? No one seems happy with what they have…honestly I don’t blame them. I don’t blame anyone. Maybe sometimes I do blame myself, but that’s only sometimes, other times its temptation and substances…I like to blame those, they just seem so much more realistic then the mind. I often wonder what life would be like without you? Without my true friends, without the people I look up too. See now I’ve got myself thinking and worrying and totally regretting that I took my precious time to write this, but sense I’ve come this far might as well end it with a question that will keep you all thinking. One that will intrigue you all beyond comprehension, I’m sorry that just sounded incredibly intelligent so I decided to put it. That’s another thing I’m bad at apology, I’m stubborn as hell, but I suppose I should just except it and get on with my life. So cheerio…Why do you suppose you read this? And why do you suppose that when you read the word read it automatically registered as “red” instead of “reed” that one always get me? Did this make any change to your life besides the time it took to REED it? Alright im gone ~peace~

I dont know why Im so happy right now, i should be so melancholy, but I guess it's a good thing...O and by the way My rents are goin out of town this weekend so if everthing goes as planned then there will be a ripper at my house

Just saving a space on this day so I can put the championship pictures up...the crowd...the Frosh...I love you with all my heart. We showed up every upper classeman at Central, we have the most heart, most talent, most straight up Central Pride i've seen in a long time. I cant wait until Senior Year, but for now were keepin it real and dealin with the fact were looked down upon, heads held high knowing were sooo much more spirited than them. FUCKING RIGHT!!!! Fuck pep rallies, fuck spirited week even when we win we lose. I love knowing though that it matters on the court, and were always right there, there'd be little crowds without the Freshman!!!!

All the friends are splitting
We’re going in different directions
I’m left here wondering which is best
I don’t want to disappoint anyone
Either way we’re losing
Wither way we’re lost
Why cant be like it used too
No fucking initials in a profile
Just a group of kids really
All coming together as one
We could do so much more that way
We could be having much more fun
And everything I remember about the past
Could now become the future
The present will be forgotten
And we can pretend it never happened
I’m always deciding whom to hang out with
Which group,
Which night
I don’t want to miss out on
All the good times, all the petty fights.
It bugs me so much
That people need to feel apart
Of something more than a friendship
Of something more than just pure heart
They need that fucking group, that name
To feel more important, to feel like a gang
I just don’t get it sometimes
So this is me putting others to blame
For all my social problems
And all the friends I hate
A reason not to be out on a Saturday
But don’t you think there might be truth
In all I have to say
Classification and segregation
They turn friends other ways
Personality should be all thats seen
Not some jersey or letters AE
Just be yourself, speak your mind
Others will accept you over time
If everyone would just follow this
Life would be simple and painless.

Me and Morgans quorky comments...u will not get them, there mostly for my enjoyment, but then again what is not. You might get a slight kick out of some of them.

S T O N E R 1210: tell them exeter
twisted sorrow x: its like prision
twisted sorrow x: yeah rightttttt
twisted sorrow x: anywhere near you
twisted sorrow x: they would say no

S T O N E R 1210: i dont get u
twisted sorrow x: i dont get me either

twisted sorrow x: ill steal ur stoner flies high plane and go around the whole 1 trillion times

twisted sorrow x: oh ur straight
twisted sorrow x: as a circle
S T O N E R 1210: FUCK YOU
S T O N E R 1210: lol
twisted sorrow x: lets go
S T O N E R 1210: i mean that non sexually
twisted sorrow x: marissa cmon you dont mean anything non sexually
S T O N E R 1210: thats true
S T O N E R 1210: O
twisted sorrow x: i know you better than you know urself
S T O N E R 1210: yes...but im not a dike
twisted sorrow x: denial

twisted sorrow x: GRRRRRR
S T O N E R 1210: my fault?!?
S T O N E R 1210: :-[
twisted sorrow x: no.
twisted sorrow x: oh yeha
twisted sorrow x: actually
twisted sorrow x: yeah
twisted sorrow x: indirectly
S T O N E R 1210: :-[
twisted sorrow x: its not ur fauly
twisted sorrow x: fault
S T O N E R 1210: yea it is
twisted sorrow x: no i didnt tell you not to tell
twisted sorrow x: its my fault
S T O N E R 1210: i should have known
twisted sorrow x: how?
S T O N E R 1210: ESP?
twisted sorrow x: oh yeah i forgot
twisted sorrow x: guess what i had to eat today.
S T O N E R 1210: umm...i wanna guess dont tell me
S T O N E R 1210: pizza?
twisted sorrow x: and please tell me you know
twisted sorrow x: no.
twisted sorrow x: well actually
twisted sorrow x: yeah i had that for lunch
twisted sorrow x: HAH
S T O N E R 1210: lol
twisted sorrow x: but i wasnt thinking about that
twisted sorrow x: ...
S T O N E R 1210: umm
twisted sorrow x: i only got here like everyday.
S T O N E R 1210: whatever I had at taco mac
S T O N E R 1210: ?
twisted sorrow x: taco mac
twisted sorrow x: yeeeeeeah

twisted sorrow x: i got kicked out of bio the other day
S T O N E R 1210: niccce
twisted sorrow x: and went there
twisted sorrow x: instead of going to the office
twisted sorrow x: im a fucking rebel
S T O N E R 1210: yesss
twisted sorrow x: ALMOST as bad ass as you
twisted sorrow x: almost
S T O N E R 1210: yeah...im a fucking rebel
twisted sorrow x: was that sarcastic
twisted sorrow x: i cant tell.
S T O N E R 1210: yes
twisted sorrow x: oh okay
twisted sorrow x: im learning
twisted sorrow x: FINALLYYY
twisted sorrow x: WOOOOOOOOO
twisted sorrow x: amennnnn  ******space during things I may not add*

S T O N E R 1210: what if i dontkjdf =-O                                                                                                                                                         twisted sorrow x: see, marissa... that was SUCH a rebel comment.
S T O N E R 1210: LMFAO
S T O N E R 1210: yes i know i try...yes har
S T O N E R 1210: d*
S T O N E R 1210: i do everything hard
twisted sorrow x: ur sooo dirty
twisted sorrow x: even when u dont try             

 S T O N E R 1210: dsjfasklfasl
twisted sorrow x: realy me too!!!
S T O N E R 1210: werd
twisted sorrow x: dont drink tonight
S T O N E R 1210: i will die
twisted sorrow x: what?
twisted sorrow x: no you wont.
twisted sorrow x: pleaseeeeeeeeeeee dont.
S T O N E R 1210: my body will get all dry
twisted sorrow x: and i care because?
twisted sorrow x: ill never talk to you again
twisted sorrow x: ever.
S T O N E R 1210: i meant because id get dehydrated
S T O N E R 1210: i know i cant spell
twisted sorrow x: then drink coke.
twisted sorrow x: water.
twisted sorrow x: juice.
twisted sorrow x: my spit
twisted sorrow x: or all mixed together?
S T O N E R 1210: yummm
twisted sorrow x: yes i know
twisted sorrow x: what can i say
twisted sorrow x: you know how much that's fucking up ur brain
twisted sorrow x: OMG i forgot to tell you this too
twisted sorrow x: me and my friend won tickets to dinner with maroon 5.
twisted sorrow x: well there are like 15 other people going too.
S T O N E R 1210: I HATE U
twisted sorrow x: i knowwwwwww
twisted sorrow x: u should come down and some with us
twisted sorrow x: we won tickets to their normal concert too. but i can't go.
twisted sorrow x: ehhhhh. back on subject.
twisted sorrow x: don't drink.
twisted sorrow x: alcohol.
twisted sorrow x: HAHA i get it. you were trying to be a wise ass with me before
twisted sorrow x: werent you
S T O N E R 1210: yes i was
S T O N E R 1210: sorry that took so long
twisted sorrow x: sad that i just got that
S T O N E R 1210: lol
twisted sorrow x: but i did get i
twisted sorrow x: it*
S T O N E R 1210: o im sure u did
twisted sorrow x: yes i did.                      

S T O N E R 1210: its because its always on silent
S T O N E R 1210: ask anyone
twisted sorrow x: what about u make it on VIBRATE
twisted sorrow x: the way you like it
twisted sorrow x: are you going to see the passion of christ
S T O N E R 1210: why would I see that...if i like vibrate then im not a good catholic...premarital sex =-O                                                                  S T O N E R 1210: i was making a spoof on the whole U cant have a tampon thing
twisted sorrow x: spoof?
twisted sorrow x: what are you talkinggggg about
twisted sorrow x: explain please.
S T O N E R 1210: a spoof is like ScaryMovie
S T O N E R 1210: like a joke making fun of something
twisted sorrow x: and what does it have to do with a tampon
S T O N E R 1210: premarital sex
twisted sorrow x: im confused.
S T O N E R 1210: ehh im kinda confused to...so id rather not explain what im trying to say                                                                               twisted sorrow x: no
twisted sorrow x: ur explaining.
S T O N E R 1210: ehh
S T O N E R 1210: im done
S T O N E R 1210: lol
twisted sorrow x: fine
twisted sorrow x: ill find out about tampons and premarital sex from SOMEONE else.
twisted sorrow x: kiding                

LOL well that was fun ~cheers~