Well I feel as if this day were worth commenting on...it was a fun filled alpine adventure that I'm positive you will fully appreciate. After minimal amounts of sleep, started the day off rightly, with a shower!!! Which I highly recommend, seeing as how the majority of folks I spoke to today hadn’t since like Sunday. Anyways, so Burke and I went boarding…woo!!! Only problem was conditions sucked and every which way I turned there was another beginner skier invading my space…so we busted outta that shit, haha!!! Hit up some Lahoot’s where I bought a new board hat that I obviously wore all night…well until I couldn’t at work that is!!!! Ok forgot to mention, Sarah got me this BOMBdizzle-to-the-max Napoleon T-shirt…which I cant wait to wear to the Dynamite get together tomorrow night…heheheh!!! Anyway, so Ash came over and watched we OC like the chill kids that we are! Then work…ahhh, but at least Tara Hursh wasn’t working or anything…lol, dread those nights!!! Well I came home after and showered, again <3 and pretty much did nothing up until this very moment…I watched Faulty Towers, I guess that’s semi productive and such, I did laugh so that counts…right?

I know your all just so enthusiastic about reading all the useless crapola I just happen to bring up…so I suppose I’ll end this, gatta lonng day tomorrow with my darling dougy!!! He’s making me “breakfast” and we’re going rock climbing and all that great shenanigan shit we do. Then PaRtY at traindawgs hizzant…lol, may I just announce we are all completely insane?!?

Members of LIVE in LOVE, call me up tomorrow, so we may hold a meeting…and I’m the god damn treasurer, alright!!! <3 you cuunts!!!

So I'm sure everyone had a just dandy Christmas! haa all of us selfish fucks get what we wanted I suppose. Things went well in the murph/sturph/stone households...no chaotic outbreaks, so that's an improvement. Lynn got a Mercedes that little bitch, so now I feel like even more of a snob, sweet. Went to about 6 or 7 houses, that was just a damn blast, get why I hate holidays yet?!?

Bomb, since my mother has no idea who I am anymore, she and mike gave me like $300 to spend "wisely". Why in gods name would you ever give me money like that, I'm a dork, sooo obviously...I bought a sick TV so I may play vids and watch movies all day!!! muahaha

Did anyone else get like 42909189 movie passes, I know I did...what is that, I mean it's not like the people giving them to you will benefit from them. And there not really a personal, "I saw this and thought of you" gift...I think money and giftcards are just a way to sneak out of the thinking process of presents...I mean can we put a little effort into this. It's so much better to see a suprised face anyway, rather than the "oo thanks these will come in handy!" blahh

Going to watch my Incubus DVD cause I'm cool like that, and have no friends who wanna hang out on vacation...Which I sadly enjoy, being completely shut out from the world is actually very pleasent. Call if you'd like to come wallow in misery with me...only joking...dont call, let me wallow alone

Memories can be so beautiful. I find myself wrapped up in them as the light creeps through the cracks in my curtains. It only takes a word or phrase to bring back an emotion so amazing that you will remember it forever. Reading through my summer journal, my last entry, a poem I wrote sitting on the beach. It wasn’t so much the context of which brought me back to the few moments before the sun rose over the water, as the deserted beach awoke just for me, it was the decision I made to keep that precious hour for as long as possible. There is nothing as great as solitary, when a piece of life is in your hands, and only your hands. Some of which is so indescribable that only your memory can reflect what you wish to love, a moment that will happen once in your life, bound to you for eternity. I never want to give that up; I never want to forget the simplicity of pure beauty.


What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask…for what I give to you
Is just what I’m going through
This is nothing new
No, no just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed

I don't know what's wrong with me? I havent been myself in ages. WHAT IS MYSELF!!! Just, I don't want to say bored with life, actually yes I do..."I'm bored with life" I need some form of entertainment, or a change...because everything has changed, and I missed it, so now I need my own? If that makes any sense what so ever?!? Actually I dont really give a shit if it makes sense or not, cause that's how I feel, and I hardly ever communicate well, especially with people. Ok so I'm going to get to the bottom of this in the next few minutes, since this is a more recent feeling, I think I'll start with the past week. Or maybe it's just not sleeping the past two nights? We'll all I know is I dont want to be depressed, so this is going to stop right now. Ganna compile some things on my mind so I don't end up losing it...

Things I need to figure Out:
1. Who the hell I am?
2. Who I want to be?
3. Why people just suck?
4. What's the difference between dreaming and reality, besides antigravity.
5. Why I like dreaming better, and how to wake up?
6. What's the point in lying, and why do people insist on doing so?
7. Why I can't seem to shut my mind off, as hard as I try, Is this all really real?
8. I don't feel real? Am I?
9. Why are some people more shallow then others, and are they shutting off their minds?
10. Why I don't see any point in falling in love?
11. Why snow doesnt come yearly, obviously I know why, I mean that more in general.
12. Who came up with a Utopia? And what were they thinking???
13. Why cant those damn kids just give the rabbit some trix, selfish assholes!
14. Are scientists fucking retarded, do they not see the world is overpopullated already, stop making medicine for christ sake!!
15. Why can't life be as simple as it's made out to be?

Sweetness...

I <3 long weekends

I really thought Thanksgiving was a day for family, but I guess I was wrong. And I thought holidays would be better, but fuck that, in this house there so messed up. Brenna woke up drunk, and pretty much was in the bathroom all day, she managed to say hi for 5 min. My aunt critizes my hair, and what I was wearing, cause shes a bitch. My GreatGram openly stated that she wants to die, which she does quite often, but still it always makes me cry. Then there's Sturph, who wouldnt even come pick me up at the game, hmm lets leave your daughter stranded, yeaah thanks...then let's see, she speaks to me probably twice the whole day, then makes a whole chill production of me hanging out with Julz, when we had plans with parental knowledge for about a week. Then a nice big fight at the end of the night about trust, which ended with no solution or agreement, as always! Then my favorite part...didnt even see my dad, hmm thanks, love how you go to the wifes fam but heyy the daughters just arent in the schedule. And you wonder why im a cynical asshole who hates holdiays...can you honestly blame me?!? I must say though, family vacations are def. high quality compared to holidays...haha yeahh okk! *Had a blast with Dougy's family though, they're so great, and he def. made this day bareable!!!

I hope everyone had a bomb dizzle day, and that no turkeys burned or shit like that!!!  

oK so today was pretty sweet and also pretty ehh?!? I dont get it...my madre and I went to breakfast and just happened to sit next to mike and matt, who we had no idea were ganna be there, and it was nice. haha, nice is such a polite word! annnywayy...so then i bounced into school and didn't really do much, but then again when do I? And Maria was my sub again today...lmao...all in good fun! O' almost forgot, WICKED GOOD fight in the cafe today, o man a couple girls just went at it, and Mr.Ryan got hit it was BOMB!!!! haha and then me and Justin both dumped our drinks on ashlyn, lol, on accident, but thats a whole 'nother story. and yyaa so it was an interesting day?!? And now I've got to get my ass to work, so i can be bored outta my mind for a couple hours! I will def. be retreating to my bed at an early hour tonight, im sooo dead, probably ganna be another OC night haha ya know how it is!!! Turkey Bowl tomorrow, anyone anyone? Tara and I are ganna hit dat place up, fo sho...then off to the padre's to have a very loud and obnoxious lunch with the Stone's...then back to this shithole to have a quiet "nice" dinner! lol and good chance to be polar express'n tomorrow night w/my fav. lil rebel haha!!! And then this weekend should be stacked with some awesome junkolla, non of which i will be intoxicated at, because I'm like this good kid now or some shit like that! haha well i gatta jet...everyone have a HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!! I <3 you

What is life coming too?!? Maria Duffy is going to be my english substitute ahhh...hahaha!!! Ok so this past weekend was officially BOMB (and I know Im over using this word, but guess what...I dont give a shit) So friday was like wacky Duffpuff Stone night, starting with some overweight creepy people in Concord trying to hit the 1st octuve, and ending with random boy playing guitar on table top after many good laughs!!! Worked Saturday morning, which suprisingly with the help of MK and Seiser was pretty chill I suppose...then duh duh dun...HOWIE DAY!!! with burkie, I mean who else...and joined by another wierdo Sinclair +2! haha good night Howie was unbelievable as usual and Dash put on a good show. Also I've decided to stop smoking, I hate the feeling now, with good reason if ya know me...I get all sped up and confused, feel like what I just spoke was a dream and it gets hard to breathe...not fun anymore, and I passed out last time I did, as most of you all know. I just dont want to pass out and not wake up next time...Im seriously loving life right now! And yeah so sweet sunday we had FH party, not bad, rates a 5 on the funny time scale...which is really tough competition!!! I have also concluded my thoughts on the hair cut, which is happening soon...but not being announced, SUPRISE!!! muahahaha...

OK talk about dork, this is my desk: laptop, sound system, CD cases, OC dvds, the sims cases, light, clock, 7 water bottles, dead cellular device, a hippie book, an Andy Warhol book, a journal, $3, a banana, flashcards, 7 pictures, the Pelican Brief, Ripped music booklets that are catchy "Stay What You Are" + "Where You want to be", and flowers...awww!!! and I have no clue why I just said that...anyways back to useless topics!! I'm ganna stop biting my nails!!! WOOOO hahaha...well Try reallly really hard to stop! And for a final thought...who ate my snowboard?!?

Are we all just lost in a life not worth giving
Or is the phony loss of meaning falling from
The corners of your mouth
Unbearable and unbreakable silence
Kissing the world with full tongue
Be weary of the bite before the close
I'm finding myself reminded of dying
Every chance we get to flee is refused
In which grieving can escape the failure of our minds
This doesnt make sense to anywhere but here
What does expression count for anyway
Reading is dull and boring and far to complicated
So this will be left uncomptimplated
Just like your thoughts of me
Mindlessness is wordy and beauty is to prosumtious
I hate the sunset that marks the end of another day
Screaming at the wall wont kill any anger
Only leaves you impaired and unheard
Seek fufillment in all that inspires you
In all that churns your interest
Love is found in the cracks of bitterness
Lets fall threw this pointless exsistancew
Straight into the arms of the ones worth crying over
I meant it when I told you I cared
It doesnt sink in anyway
I love you can be spared and crumbled to nothing
That's rubbish to me until it's invested
So count you change and dot those I's
unless of course there capitalized
Then you can slash a line
Try not to smear the ink to much
Let this all swim over you
Dont question what you dont understand
Just flow with the life you've been handed
And know tomorrow was never promised

In a million years I could meet you

Could you fall for me?

The cold is forming around the edges

Heat manifest’s inside your heart

Where it can't reach these veins

You wouldn’t even attempt to

 

And summer left its mark upon my skin

Until it faded just like your voice on memories

Just like you in memories

Could you make the difference?

Could you break my fall?

Does this matter anyway

Is this substantial at all

 

The rains pouring down

As if it’s never hit the ground

Keeping locked inside

Leaves blow from the trees

Winter’s on its way

Can’t be alone today

 

All that’s meant to be said

Tangled in the sheets of music

Scattered across your bed

Lay me down upon them

We’ll use emotions instead

 

Into this melody I pour my heart

Until it fades just like your voice on memories

Just like you in memories

Could you make a difference at all?

Make a difference in my memory of you

Will this matter anyway?

 

This failure making pieces in your eyes

Reflecting what’s left of me

Reflecting what’s left of me

Reflecting what’s left of all that we could be

Is this time for sweet goodbyes?