Happy for no reason, or just that everything's fine?!? granted it will be shot to hell soon when June 20th rolls around, but I dont even care anymore (which is half the problem most of the time) haha. I know that everything's ganna be good. And it's not like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, actually not even close, so this is just a passing moment. In that sense I love being young, because it doesnt matter. It's kind of weird, I was talking with my mom the other day, and I was just like "are you happy with how everything turned out," and "It's strange, you have a daughter who doesnt have enough fingers to count the times she's messed up, but yet she still has her whole life ahead of her and still has enough control of it to do what ever she wants with the rest of it,"...her response "I never thought of it that way" hahaha like, how different are we?!? aww today is just beautiful, it's not to hot, gentle breezel, and the sun's half out...I love life, even though I occasionally say otherwise. I'm such a complainer, lol. whatever. ignore me, I dont have a problem with talking to myself. haa. We'll I gatta go to work, but I do get to drive there, mostly because no ones home to take me, but oh well..ill hold this against them, and see if I cant get the car back until...

Why dont I write anymore?!? I mean c'mon, does anyone remember me two years ago, there wasnt a free space in my notebook. And now I just dont have time, it sucks, and my poems now suck, cause i havent had time and ive lost some touch and yes it sucks! And now my emotions are everywhere, as usual, around this time of year. Ive managed to screw up all the good things I had going, again, are you suprised?!?

New updates in life of a crazy bitch: I decided it would be best if I got home quickly from work last wed, and got pulled over doing 100 on the highway...sweeet, ugh, so now no more car for about a year. Bio= 27% English= 34% Spanish=55%...ART= 97% wooo!!! if that gives you any clue of all the procrastinating. haha. But I did clean my room!!! it's spotless and I love it, and enjoy laying on my empty floor listening to music.

I saw Sarah McLachlan this weekend, along with every gay person in manch. it was very sketchy. But she was amazing, and I really just wish I could sing (even decently) because i dont dare sing to one of her songs, lol. Actually that's what Im listening to right now, S.M. on my TV(ps2) and dashboard on my comp. it's an interesting mix. "live a life that you would think was sane/It's the bitter taste of losing everything that Ive held so dear" umm so yeah

I saw Julz today, I was sooo excited, missed her sooo much! haha im such a dork, but it's true. So yeah, cant wait to us crazy folk are back to our usual mischief!

ONE TREE HILL SEASON FINALE TONIGHT!!! im so nervous/excited/sad. I dont know what Im ganna do with myslef for the summer? Haley better come home tonight, that's all I have to say...oh and Lucas and Brook need to hit dat also!!! Umm and keith better not fuck up Andy and Karen, just because Andy is the hottest man on the show, and how can you not love his austrailian accent. And Peyton and Nate Better fucking not hook up, because that would be verrry verrrrrry bad...and I really dont want to cry, but I know I will...im such a softy! haha <333

"There are really only three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say, What happened?" -Ann Landers...haha just thought id add this in

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.

This weekend is ganna be a good one...I can just tell!!!

Random goal for tomorrow: dont mock steph, michelle, or tara for being ditzy...try to be sincerly nice, and no sarcastic expressions that they'll take offensivly, even if they are neccessary.

and yes Im watching Jurassic Park...tehehe

Driving in Auburn/Candia/Hooksett/Merrimack tonight was more beautiful then this, no joke at all...I needed some soothing after the game too, so good timing, can you say <> Sunshine <> ughhh...whatever!!! Jv boys beat them to hell so fuck you merrimack!!! (esp. A. Wright!!) only kidding...I miss her, and am extremely glad that we switched hair cuts hmm. But wow still pissed so going to watch Double Jeopordy <-random?!? Have a good start to Vacation!!!.....and if anyone wants to hit up the mountains, ya know where to reach me at

Life has been kind lately. I'm actually excited to get up in the mornings, which is something new. I'm practically obsessed with my school day, classes are unbelieveably easy and even interesting in some cases! Plus, I don't know if anyone else has realized yet, but Lacrosse starts in 27 days!!! So let the countdown begin, goshhh. Shawn is only taking 18, and this the best news since Jon Heder's false death! I wonder if we'll actually be good this season...I say we go 500, I mean it's only the 2nd varsity year, so that would be insane. Oh I almost freaking forgot!! I got my F***ing LICENSE today!!!!!!! haha straight up was the most simple test I've ever taken, and I honestly don't know what all the fuss is about!?!? So yeah me and Kelbell went to the game, and I already had to put $25 into the tank so this sucks! But blasting P.Jam on the way home was awesome, and I can't wait to just cruz and listen to music!!! Not to mention I'm designated driver Stoner now, a bit ironic, but yeah whatever. muaha

And by the way, anyone watch OneTreeHill!?!?! Go fucking Lucas, kill Dan!!!!!!! And previews for next week...umm can you say "emily" and Karen beat down?!? ...now that I've established what a dork I am, time for music and bed. Everyone have a gooooodnight

Maybe I'll do better on my own, no one ever seems to understand me, It's easier for me to be alone, but there's still a piece of me that feels so empty

The sun is sinking across my carpet, I cant see it from where I'm sitting, but there's a reflection, I know it's beautiful out. Actually now would be a pretty sweet time for some snapshots...bam!!! Hopefully the clouds can chill for a second, and give me time to find my camara. Finish this in a quick bit. It was definitly a lot colder outside then it looked!!! Oh man...I'm such an idiot, so driving home from school today "Lexi can you unlock this thingy...umm the window lock," she does so, "WTF, I can't get it open!" Yeah I was pushing the doorlock button!!! haha thank god we were at a red light, cause we were fucking dying!!! Hmm just thought I'd tell my most recent encounter with my blonde side. Annnnd (drum roll please) I get the license in 5 days!!! wooooo. "We could get up, we could get on down, we could drive to the country or head downtown, baby I'd join you too, We could've been so much better off than before, if we held on true. Take today and go out for awhile, well just sit back jack and relax and enjoy a smile, well let your mind go for a minute or two, let your mind levitate go for a delicate, maybe I'll join you too..." <- That would be me singing, maybe one of my favorite songs?!?

For some reason I am in the best mood right now...actually now that I said that I hate myself for it, but I'll keep it anyway. And might I add that I am a genius (random) but yea I have 4 A's, 1 B+, and 1 B, can someone please shoot me?!?! My grades havent been that good since Smyth Road!! And UPDATE: I believed in God for about a minute while watching Stigmata...but since that's a joke I don't know what I was thinking!!! GOSH, and speaking of gosh...I'm extremely curious as to John Heder, do any of you know the truth? Well it's time for me to mauw on something! Check ya later!!!

And by the way...if you want a REAL punk band, listen to Satanic Surfers, so I don't have to hear that wannabe punk shit again!!!

 

I know it hurts.

But it's life,

And it's real.

And sometimes it fucking hurts,

But it's life,

And it's pretty much all we have.

-G.S

Everyone take back your old notes
There all too hard to open now
To hard to handle
I'm shaking with this fear
That I'm losing everything
I've ever known
Just to tell you I miss it
Seems almost defeat
I'm too stubborn to lose completely
And I don't even know
What I'm doing anymore
Pushing too far away to stay
And now wouldnt be good timing anyway
I'm drowning myself in silence
I smile but since when does that make me sane
And the things we’ve been doing
Just moments to preoccupy our time
Just people to preoccupy our minds
As if there’s much sense in anything
Sense only gets you so far
And I wont settle I wont forget
I know I know
Just how we use to feel
What it felt like to laugh

Well it’s kinda early in the morning, but I figured I'd start my day off straight away!! yeahhh ok...No I just got through playin vids, haha. Also, friggin Trainor gave me SODA, im sooooooo hyper and wired!!! tehehehe. And then Whitey let me drive back from Auburn, so I'm concluding that excited tendencies+Soda+Speed=extremely off the wall Marissa. Does anyone else love referring to themselves in the third person? I know Stone does. Only kidding that one was strange. I guess I’ll write, I don’t really feel like it, but why not?

 

 

All this pacing and overreacting

It’s come to the point of clearly thinking

The coddling and grip of lost control

And you’ve still to make sense of it

This shove to the heart has grown harder

And you’ve still to feel anything

I’m sorry for my freedom and seclusion

When feelings stand on this plane

I’m scared to crack and fall delusional

What's to be scared of here?

But losing what I haven’t already lost

The opposite of lust, a stab to my heart

Can you fault my false tongue?

The battle of my two greatest assets

Quit while we’re ahead

That’s what happened tonight

Isn’t that why you left?

Or was it me being cold and cruel

Finally a snap?

Never understood

No one can come inside my mind

I’d die to the world for satisfaction

I’d die to you for new ways to see

You’re just another way to find myself

That kills me, I kill me

Suicide is far past an option now though

I doubt I could be that cliché

But I suppose a lobotomy would do

Get thoughts to stop churning

So I can fall for someone if briefly

I could be happy without technology
What made me this fucked up

To not feel, to not believe, to not love?