Taking a break from my science project, which is fuckin gorgeous of course, and typing up one of my old old poems so you may all indulge in some sexual deep and pesimistic writing...enjoy, you know you love me!!! hehe

So much to offer
Yet more to obtain
Flowing in circles
From night to day break

Emotionally naked
Physically abused
Slightly sedated
Extremely confused

Pulled apart
By all the drama
Glued by all the words
Mangled
Smothered
Tangled
And
Refused

Crumble to pieces
Skid to a stop
Bleed at the wrists
Smile at the heart

Pain is inevitable
Living with eyes wide
Passion is nothing
When your living far behind

Time comes and goes
Today will fade to yesterday
Leaving before total catastrophe
Hang on to the memories
They could soon be forgotten
Just the same as you and I

Killing all the anger
With feelings untrue
Seduce me back down
Lay me beneath you

Funny how bright hate flashes
On and off again
Breaking all that lies within
Corroding my heart to nothing

Undress the sheets
Step into the light
Beauty all around now
Wont put up a fight tonight...

Attention, certain women: Transporting children is not a license to drive slowly.

umm yeah anyway...I think it's about time I drop laX, cause I hate it now...my coach was such an asshole today, and it's sooo fucking hard to watch the games!!!

But on a fuckin higher note, actually the inverse situation as to why I cant play laX, im getting really good grades right now!!! yeaaaa...haha

And on an even higher not, and No I am completely straight right now no worries I have been for a week, Im in love with the sweetest guy around!!!

And to top everything off Ali's dad is going to be fine!!!

And to top off all of that info...Howie Day Aug.5th in Boston, and FL w/morgan July 3rd...and Morgan's comin to NH July 22!!! yeahhh

I dont know how long this is ganna last though, cause whenever things start to get better for me something absolutly shitty happens...so im not jinxin myself

Actually something already did but Ive been told to not let it bother me...so im tryin to keep my word...

hmm time to go...goin to listen to shit depressing music and read sad poems, possibly write them as well depending on my hostility...peace

I'm always questioning why things happen, why I cant just cease to move at the start of it all?!? It's because of my psychological rebellion against all of the emotions I cover at the surface I suppose, the need to supress them comes out in my need to fully comprehend the actual meaning of situations.

I think I'll leave you all confused at that...


I love you Arias, this has been such a great weekend...nothing is better than being wrapped up in your arms watching the godfather...

Just a little quotes for ya...if your bored, ya know!

You know where Ill be found
When I come around
Ive heard it all before...
~
Someone told me this is the place
Where everything better and everythings safe
Walk on the ocean
~
Theres nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
I only wanna be with you
~
Fingertips have memories
I can't forget
The curves of your body...
Been around the world and found
Only stupid people are breeding
The creatons cloning and feeding...
I wanna publish zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesnt hurt it feels fine
The trivial sublime
Id like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind...
Paranoia Paranoia
Everybodys coming to get me
Just say you never met me...
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to god it sounds like their snoring
But if your bored than your boring
The agony and Irony are killing me...
Im not sick
But im not well
~
Alive from the first
Now im denyed by the Ghost of you
Its my wide awake and dying that Im used too
~
Ask me should we try again
Im thinking no
Its not what I believe in
Its not what I believe in...
~
Theres something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that your so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way
~
This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran too
Whenever I was in need of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say
Dont look back
Keep your head held high
Dont ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
Your feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Dont hold on to the past
Well thats too much to ask
~
You have this way
of falling in and out of time
As it goes by
~
Im sorry bout the attitude
I need to give when im with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
~
I was weak
You were strong
Me and my guitar we strummed along
Sweet misery you cause me
Thats what you called me
Sweet Misery
~
Laugh hard
Its a long ways to the bank
I cant be blamed
For nothing anymore
Its been a long time since you've been away
~
I had a dream
i fell behind a hidden wall
Began to see a world through new eyes
I cant wake up
I dont really wanna figure out
What it means to rush right through this life
~
There are few things pure in this world anymore
And home is one of the few
We'd have a drink outside
Maybe run and hide if we saw
A couple men in blue

I feel home
when Im chillin outside
With the people I know
I feel home
And thats just what I feel
Home to me is reality
And all i need is something real

Feeling alright heading out tonight
I say now some feel bored some are looking for more
Well we all just decide to stay
We got nothing to do
But when I look at you
I see something that i know and love
And with the crack of a smile
We all stay awhile
We know from home there aint nothing above
Well in the end
We can all call a friend
Well some know as true
And in a thousand years and a thousand tears
I come findin my original crew
Cause to me throughout eternity
There is somewhere we are welcome to go
Said its something free means a lot to me
When Im with my friends
I feel home
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ive had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
I dont care if thats not fair
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends?
~
Every night I see a shooting star
Wonder if its landing where you are
If you can see it then you cant be far
And if thats the way you do it
Thats the way you find your love
~
Im counting on a new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning
~
If I hurt you then
I hate myself
Dont want to hate myself
Dont want to hurt you
Why do you choose that pain
If you only knew how much I love you
love you
I wont be your winter
I wont be anyones excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here.
~
You read my eyes just like a diary
~
It's been awhile
Since I can say I wasnt addicted
And it's been awhile since I could say
I loved myself as well and
And it's been awhile since
I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile but all that shit
Seems to disappear when I'm with you
~
If you wanna be my lover
You gatta get with my friends
Make it last forever
Friendship never ends
~
Day is long and nothing is wasted

Im starting to see through the people I love...Im getting annoyed with their every flaw, every word they say, every smile they fake. When you first meet new people anything they do is just chill. As time progresses you begin to realize little things, then those small morcels of aggrivation start to inlarge, until you wish the friendship had ended at hello...we'll this of course is in the eyes of a very cynical being, I actually really hope no one notices the things I do. It's killing me though, mostly in a few selective situations, where I thought that there would be a tight connection. I don't get why poeple try to be fake? Dont you all realize that others can see through it. I mean yes were all guilty of it, I know I do it everyday with some "nameless" persons that wont get away from me!!!! I dont know how to tell nice people they fucking suck, so I go on pretending that everything cool. This is also for the sake of feelings! I hate a fake laugh most of all...i mean if you find it funny, yes laugh, but its really easy to tell when your not truely laughing!!! Girls that wear the skanky ass outfits need to all die, I mean come on, self respect?!? Actually the one thing that pisses me off more is the ones that try to be "different" with the fucking converse ( yes I own a pair, but my cousin got me to LOVE them) but I know there are so many people who wear them for reasons other than comfort! Guys cut the fucking shags, there ass ugly, and hiding your beautiful eyes, plus not hot anymore because EVERYONE has one...don't you realize your not being different by having them!!!! I wish I could have a shaved head, I dont get why you wouldnt!!! I dont know if I should hit on this next topic, I know if I do ill freak out like always, but fuck it' this wouldnt be a M.Stone complaint paper without this issue being brought to words. MUSIC...I fucking hate how everyone loves alternative now!!!!!!!! OMG I wish sooooo bad I could name like 5 people off in this that absolutly rip apart my mind with how fake they are, and how hard they try to like "different" music...LIKE WHAT YOU WANT TO LIKE!!!! I never even tell people what Im listening to anymore for fear of it becoming a "bitch-ass, fake, cunt phase!" Actually Im breaking this right now...because Im ganna flip out in about 2 sec. and I need to do H/W!!! Maybe Ill continue later, but if I don't you get my drift...~peace~

Holy Shit...guess who has an A in spanish...yes thats right your truely!!! And who got a fucking 81% of a math test, yes a math TEST today!!!! I mean yes granted I got a C+/B on the essay for "A Tale of Two Cities" I did do that in one night...haha so actually im pretty happy about that grade considering the time I put into it!! wow im seriously "happy" right now...no stress...it's a really good feeling!!!

A little George Carlin for ya:

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

What year did Jesus think it was?

Basketball would be faster and a whole lot more exciting if they had a three-second shot clock. Never mind that passing stuff; as soon as the ball is in play, get that son of a bitch up in the air. I didn't pay to watch a game of cathc; I'm lookin' for a 700-point ballgame,

Nothing rhymes with nostril.

I almost don't feel the way I do.

Some see the glass as half-empty; some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as two big.

EVERYTHING BEEPS NOW!

Banks tell you to maintain a "minimum balance." I first learned about minimum balance from my uncle. He would come over to our house, drink a quart of wine, and try and stand up. That was minimum balance.

In Los Angeles, there is a hot line for people in denial. So far no one has called.

Why are there no recreational drugs taken in suppository form?

Join the ranks of the unclean!

I hope that everyone can accept the fact that I have really changed in the past month...not style wise or any of that shit, but maturity and attitude. Having been working and actually putting forth some effort in school over the past month has really taught me responsibility...call me cheesy all u want but it's so true. Playing Lax or rather not playing lax has actually proven to be one of the best decisions ever made in my life, not to mention what a kick ass sport it is. Im actually trying twice as much now that I've fucked up so bad. The Lax girls are the chillest peeps I've ever meet too. We've had some sweet times. I hope my friends don't hold this against me though. Im sorry guys if you think im ditching you, or trying to act different to please other people, but I swear It was unintentional. Im not meaning to act different it's just happening, im a hypocrite too I know, im always saying dont change but it happens. Actually i mostly get pissed when styles are altered, because thats juts being gay and needing attention. But im actually like I dunno fucking growing up i suppose?!? Now I dont know what im talking about, and I take no responsibility for what Im saying right now cause Im kinda blazed so I always just mumble on. Well lets just say that you my friends are in for a suprise when school starts tomorrow...because I dont know if how I am now will stick when I see you all or maybe ill just go back to how it was?!? I just dont know...actually as I said to Abby on the phone today "I hate knowing everything, we'll that sounded conceeded, I hate knowing how people work!! If I die, can you just kill me!?!?!" If I think any deeper into things, or get any more insight on the meaning of life I think im ganna suffer a major anxitiy attack!!! Im out though...i hope you like the new font backround and music that took me and morgan forever to do today, well actually I just gave morgan my password the pic and what song I wanted and she did it all for me!!! haha cause im a sped...but anyway night

I love vacation

How do you say no to an open heart
Watch from a distance twice fall apart
Hurts knowing you're the cause
About to make a third mistake
Why can't you forget me?
Leave me to apologize to closed doors
Why don't you walk away?
Nothings this great
Can't be as high as the pedestal on which I'm placed
My loves never lasted over time
Not worth even a slight commitment
I couldn't ever come to terms with my mind
Please let this go
I'm to weak to say no
Your words resound in my head
Sweetness and love were all that was said
It kills me to believe in emotion
Tomorrow will require deep devotion,
I'm not apt to give
I'll repent now for what I'm to do
Before I look into eyes I'm to break
For right now I just want you…

He keeps me attracted with his words!!! I don't know If I can do this again though!?!? I don't want the messy ending that happened last time!!! I just never know what to do, or how to say what I really feel.

> > The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works

> > for you. Very Interesting. Just 4 questions and
> > the answers will surprise you. Do not cheat by
> > looking up the answers. The mind is like a
> > parachute, it works best when it is opened. This
> > is fun to do, but you have to follow the
> > instructions very closely. Do not cheat.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST !
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A warning! Answer the questions as you go along.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > There are only 4 questions and if you see them
> > all before finishing, you will not have honest
> > results. Go down slowly, and do each exercise as
> > you scroll down. Don't look ahead. Get pencil
> > and
> > paper to write your answers as you go along. You
> > will need it at the end. This is an honest
> > questionnaire which will tell you a lot about
> > your true self. Give an answer for each item.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of
> > your preference:
> > Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (2) Write one word that describes each one of
> > the following:
> > Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.
> >
> > >
> > (3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is
> > important to you, that you can relate them to
> > the
> > following colors. Do not repeat your answer
> > twice. Name just one person for each color:
> > Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
> >
> >
> >
> > (4) Finally, write down your favorite number,
> > and your favorite day of the week.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > FINISHED? Please be sure that your answers are
> > what you REALLY WANT.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Look at the interpretations below: But first
> > before continuing, REPEAT your wish.
> >
> >
> > >
> > ANSWERS:
> > (1) This will define your priorities in your
> > life.
> >
> > Cow Signifies CAREER
> >
> > Tiger Signifies PRIDE
> >
> > Sheep Signifies LOVE
> >
> > Horse Signifies FAMILY
> >
> > Pig Signifies MONEY
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (2) Your description of dog implies your own
> > personality.
> >
> > Your description of cat implies the personality
> > of your partner.
> >
> > Your description of rat implies the personality
> > of your enemies.
> >
> > Your description of coffee is how you interpret
> > sex.
> >
> > Your description of the sea implies your own
> > life.
> >
> >
> > (3) Yellow: Someone you will never forget
> >
> > Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
> >
> > Red: Someone that you really love
> >
> > White: Your twin soul
> >
> > Green: Someone that you will remember for the
> > rest of your life
> >
>
> >
> >
> > (4) You have to send this message to as many
> > persons as your favorite number and your wish
> > will come true on the day that you put. This is
> > what the Dalai Lama has said about the
> > Millennium - just take a few seconds to read it
> > and think. Do not put away this message, the
> > mantra will come out from your hands in the next
> > 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant
> > surprise. This is true, even if you are not

> > superstitious.

 

Own Note: Creepy how it all really does work...right